Tuesday, 18 June 2013

The blamer

Sometimes in our life we are filled with negative emotions and thoughts. These negative thoughts and emotions then affect how we behave.

Off and on for the past few weeks I am filled with negative thoughts about friendships and academic life.

For an assignment, I told my "friend" I did 10 pages and she said, "Ha you do so many ah~~" (in a very surprised tone) and also telling me the did around the same number of pages. The next day I found out she added on about 2 more pages. She got a higher mark than me (I got 62% and she got 75%).

As much as my feelings are telling me to blame her, logically, I know it's my own fault for not trying harder, for not pushing my boundaries. It would be easy for me to blame her and say, "She didn't tell me she added more pages therefore I got a lower mark". I felt even more down because I felt the lecturer was quite lenient in his marking. If I had worked harder, maybe I could have gotten a higher mark. Another negative push was that a friend that I thought would score lower than me, scored higher than me! Sigh...

I felt that "friend" always ignores me and I, in turn, would ignore her back. She won't say Hi first or Bye and majority of the time I have to initiate it. After some time, I don't really want to initiate already. Felt so frustrated. So just let it be, we are in the same group but I am already tired of initiate it forcefully. If conversation occurs naturally then I'm ok la.

I didn't get a position in my university's volunteer society which made me think that some "bitch" talk down about me to the committee members. BUT, as much as my heart is telling me that this is true, I HAVE NO EVIDENCE. Thus, this is my own irrational beliefs! Felt really down because of this incident...

These are just a few incidents that happened to me... There are more la but save for next time. Haha

But, I am grateful for those who are always with me. My fatty and my mum.

No comments:

Post a Comment